Tag Archives: teenrants

The F word

Everyone has that one thing that bothers them more than it should. For some it’s a slightly disproportionate nose, or a muffin top, it could even be something as stupid as a mole next to your eye  or an odd birth mark . It’s usually something that no one sees but you, and what you see is usually far worse than what it really is.  Somehow, you’re able to mentally mutilate this tiny, rather insignificant blemish and turn it into an exaggerated, amplified version of what it was to begin with.

My weakness has always been my weight. That’s not to say I’m obese or anything, I’m what they call “full-figured” . I hate the fact that it bothers me so much because overtly I’m all for being confident of who you are and how you look , but deep down only I know how insecure I am about my body. Somehow subconsciously I’v bought into that cover girl- tall-skinny-booby idea of perfection the media has been selling to us ever since the invention of fashion magazines, even though I’m fully aware of the fact that the girls on the covers of those magazines and in the movies, and on TV  look the way they do because of extensive airbrushing and photoshopping.

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“oh, theres this new gym down the road, we should go!,” or “Oh, girls like us really have to work hard to maintain our figures na,”  seemingly innocent comments like these, would invoke my inner beast and send me into fits of inexplicable rage that would usually end with me and the poor soul who decided to talk to me, crying in a pool of blood.

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At a very good friends party the other day, I met a boy. A reasonably attractive boy at that. I was dancing and just generally having a great time with my friends, when said hot boy decided to dance next to me. I asked him whether he was in the twelfth grade too, he said he was. He asked me where I studied, I told him. He cracked a lame science joke, I tittered politely. He started to take selfies with my friend who was hosting the party, I was standing about half a meter away, so he asked me to join too. I thought, oh what the hell, and joined them.

A few hours later, the host and I were sitting in her room post party, when the boy texted her, asking her to call him ASAP. He asked her to make sure she was alone. Obviously, she switched on speaker phone and we waited expectantly as the phone rang.

“hey, there was this girl at the party, in a black dress,” I looked down at what I was wearing, and caught my breath. GREAT DAY TO WEAR BLACK!

“Not S******, the other one,”

omgomgomg hot boy wants me!!!!

“the slightly fat girl, yeah, give me her number.”

WHAT. THE. FUCK. 

 I wanted to grab the phone and hurl it out of an open window. My friend looked up at me nervously and immediately turned off speaker phone.

I went home seething, who did he think he was, calling me fat. He wasn’t even that hot. Jerk.

But a few hours of ice cream induced self reflection and I thought, does it really matter?

Maybe I’m not thin,

Maybe my rather ample bottom, wont ever fit into 24″ waist jeans,

Maybe my stomach wasn’t made for ab lines,

SO WHAT?

Nobody’s perfect, not even Beyonce.

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An open letter to me in ten years.

Hello sexy,

You’re 27…..well, physically.
Mentally, you’re probably about 12 by now, so congratulations.
I’m hoping you’re either writing for a magazine or you’ve authored your own book, maybe you’ve been working in production or advertising. Whatever you’re doing, I’m hoping you’re happy. If you’re not, stop immediately and take time off. Travel, shop, do what you love and try and figure out what makes you happy, then turn that into a career and you’re set.

Take a stand.
If you believe in something with all your heart, listen to what everyone else has to say and then do what it takes to get your point across. Have an opinion on everything. Whoever said being opinionated was a bad thing, hasn’t ever felt the satisfaction of winning an argument.

Listen. Actually listen to what other people have to say, even if you don’t agree with them. Be sensitive to their beliefs even if they’re leagues away from your own. Listening builds trust. Trust builds character. Be a shoulder to cry on, somebody’s go to person, a great best friend, a wonderful daughter.

Be kind. Talk to the kid incessantly knocking on your car window, begging for spare change when you’re stuck in traffic. Realize he’s only a victim of circumstance. Smile a lot. regardless of how creepy smiling at strangers may seem, you know from personal experience how reassuring and wonderful a smile can be.

Be grateful. I hope you realize how truly blessed you are. You have so much going for you, a great family, brilliant friends, hopefully a reasonably satisfying work life. Be thankful for all the wonderful people in your life, and try not to take them for granted.

Love. don’t shy away from commitment like you have in the past. I’m hoping you dropped that habit and magically manifested into this suave, passionate love guru the second you turned eighteen, but even if you haven’t, work on it now.

DONT SETTLE. whether it’s your career, your love life, or the Céline handbag you’ve always wanted, don’t settle for anything but the best. If it’s your career, give it everything you have. If its the bag, work your butt off till you can get your hands on that beautiful baby. If it’s love, remember to trust your gut.
It’s okay to be picky. Look for a man who shares the same values, believes in the same things, is responsible and mature when he has to be and makes you laugh when all you want to do is cry. It might take you years to find him but don’t give up, he’s out there.

(Ew this is starting to get lame.)

love yourself. You need to accept yourself for who you are. You’re not perfect. Who is? There are people out there who are prettier than you, more competent than you, funnier than you, but there’s just one you. Nobody can do a better job at being you than you.

Take chances, be outspoken, be brave.

Stay cool.

Love always,
You.

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